Friday, 24 October 2014

Why You're an Idiot If You Think Olivia Should Choose Fitz on Scandal

The time has come to blitz on Olitz.

OK, we're not trying to start a fight here or anything, but we just think you're an idiot if you think Olivia (Kerry Washington) should be with Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) on Scandal. Sorry, we're not sorry. Yes, we went there and we bought property. Etc. Etc. While we started off loving the fixer and the president's will-they-or-won't-they, so-hot-the-sun-is-jealous-of-their-chemistry relationship, we're finally admitting we're so over the saga of Olitz.

Why?

Let us count the reasons for you:

1. He's married. THAT'S WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL A RED FLAG.

2. He's kind of a jerk to her friends. And to her. By kind of, we mean totally.

3. He used her to get under her father's skin. Seriously, that scene where he taunts Rowan by talking about having sex with Olivia still makes us want to take a shower.

4. Speaking of showers, dude feels the need to down alcohol and cry away his tears in the shower if you don't call him back. Want someone needy? Have a baby.

5. Even if he left Mellie, they have children together, so she would be in your life, calling you "a whore," behind your back and to your face. Doesn't that sound like fun?!?!

6. He's the president, so even if you got together after his second term ends, it would still be huge freakin' news if he gets together with the woman he was once accused of having an affair with. And moving to Vermont won't shield you from the scrutiny. Paparazzi and reporters can travel.

7. "I almost died without you." That sounds like something a totally normal, sane person would say.

8. He's a horrible father. And Olivia knows about those all too well. Why continue the daddy issues?

9. He's obsessed with jam. And it's a little weird. Peanut butter? Naturally. Nutella. Duh. Cookie butter? Double duh. But Jam? Just weird.

10. Also, Jake.

11. Haaave ya met Jake?

12. 'Cause Jake.

13. But seriously, Jake.

14. Did we mention Jake? (Also exploding in this .gif? Our ovaries.)

15. JAKE.

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